The fact is: I always took the easy road, the more expedient one at the time. Instead of taking the time (or being self-aware enough to even know to take the time) to figure out who I am and from there figuring out what I should be doing with my life, I went to work in a factory, as pretty much 75% of the men in my town did. Took quite a few years to realize it was killing me inside. And there were physical symptoms that showed up….. You know what? That story deserves another blog.

I hope you figure it out Wolf. I’m crossing my fingers for you!

I’m not big on introspection (despite these blogs), believe me. But the anger I’m talking about is a silent thrumming in the background. Since therapy, I have no problem with having outward overt anger about obvious things either. Like you said: it’s part of the human condition. I accept it of myself – when there’s something to be angry about. But there’s this other anger that stems from something else that’s out of balance – the harder stuff that isn’t quite so easily identified. It’s that irritation that occurs when there’s nothing to be irritated about. It’s those times when you (me) react to something quickly, realizing that you were waiting for an excuse to be angry. Finding something to validate that already simmering internal anger. It’s important (I think) to recognize that too, without judgement – but with a willingness to try and determine its roots. That’s where I was hoping to go with this blog: to explore that.

I really don’t think I’m the only one who ever struggles with this stuff. So the questions at the end truly were for others to read and respond to. Absolutely I ask them of myself – but (*grin*) I don’t need a blog in which to do it. I really want to know about others’ experiences.

I’m going against the norm here and say that sometimes I find myself doing exactly what you’re doing in this piece — possibly over analyzing a bit? Not sure – -I am not aware of the “rant” you wrote on someone’s comment and so maybe there’s something there you need to walk through, but I don’t think Anger is a bad thing at all, actually, I think it’s quite necessary as humans. I mean, I get angry because I disagree with folk all the time. I get angry when I make a careless mistake, I get angry when someone cuts me off while I’m driving, I get angry when I stub my toe! It’s NOT the getting angry part that’s the problem, it’s how we deal with situations, and for how long they internalize — that’s when anger does us harm.

I got so angry with someone the other day because they completely failed at something they said they would absolutely take care of. And somewhere inside of me I knew they would drop the ball. If this was 5 years ago, I would have been clamoring about this for days. Now, I just get mad for a few minutes, figure out how to move through it, and get back on track.

For me, whether I’m happy or sad, angry or full of joy, I strive to keep some sort of even keel about it because focusing on it too much sometimes leads us down a path we don’t want to go. I strive for consistency in how I deal with things. Not trying to eliminate anger — it’s part of the human condition. But learning to handle it better — that’s been brilliant. And it’s helped with other aspects of my “isms”…

Clearly, you have so many questions… and they are brilliant questions, but you seem to be asking them of yourself, and ironically answering them along the way. When I’m in this place — the place you seem to be in right now – - I agree, music is wonderful. But you know what else is amazing? GREAT books! I always find myself thumbing through The Prophet. Or Reading The Alchemist. There are so many — but sometimes when we’re searching so deeply within ourselves for answers, we ARE SO IN IT that we can’t see clearly. Over analyzing…maybe being too close to it…. walk away from it a bit…at the very least, you’ll get a different perspective.

Cheers.

I think my writing has definitely had a tinge of healthy anger to it – certainly the word “passionate” comes up. And I have a better handle on the whole concept of anger than ever. My dad only showed me the negative and destructive side. There’s a side which promotes health though. In my day to day real life dealings, not many have realized it’s there, until a passionate moment arises, and I let it loose. My writings are far more reflective of what’s going on in here (points to head) than what is obvious to real life observers, in other words.

I like your last paragraph in particular very much Barbara: it resonates clearly. I think it’s important for people to arrive where they’re going, by means of the tools at hand, and in the timing designed for them. It’s why I’ve held back too, when I’ve seen others who aren’t at a place where truths can possibly be accepted or acted upon.

I think you might also be surprised to learn that your anger isn’t very well hidden at all! You are incredibly talented at weaving the threads of anger artfully among a vast array of concepts with incredible distracting sensory articulation, so perhaps it may feel hidden. But it’s not. In fact, if you take a good look at what you’ve written here, you’ve pretty much described the exact dynamic of your dilemma. Re-read what you’ve written here, but change every “you”, “they”, “them”, etc. to “i” or “me”.

You see, I don’t believe anger is an emotion at all. I believe it’s a behavior. I’ve written more about this that I’ll share with you sometime, but for now I’d like for you to just consider it.

I saw your “rant” on your friend’s blog. I almost commented, but decided not to. My question to you now though is, how invested are you in the “truth” you so vehemently expressed? What would you sacrifice for it? Your life? A friend’s life? A child’s?

I apologize if this reply sounds cryptic and airy fairy. As much as I’d like to just offer a completely straightforward analysis, there’s a certain downside to doing so. That is, you don’t get to discover for yourself the answers you’re looking for in your own time and space. There’s a richness to the experience of discovery that you don’t want to miss :)