Posts Tagged ‘I_just_want_your_money_is_that_too_much_to_ask’

Having become completed disgusted with the (lack of) water pressure in my apartment, and having gotten so tired of uselessly swearing at the severe temperature swings when trying to have a shower, I decided to explore the internet for some decent apartments.  I want a step up this time, and want not just good consistent water pressure and temperatures, but climate control as well.

I saw a promising ad, and put in a query to discover more about the apartment.  Here’s the response I received (key information has been redacted; it might be that the person who responded is legit).  Put yourself in my place, and consider your own reactions to this response.

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Subject: RE: $800 / 2br – Spacious and large 2 bedroom 2bathroom apartment (Downtown Toronto)
Reply-To:

Hi,
    Thanks for your interest in wanting to be my tenant. I am looking for a responsible & clean tenant that will be able to take good care of my apartment because I work as Research Associate in Molecular Imaging Research/Neurology and I do travel a lot, Presently I am in United Kingdom for a research and I don’t know when I will return back to Canada that’s why am looking for a Tenant who will live in the apartment and take care of it as i dont want to sell it. The apartment is available for long term and short term lease is also accepted.
   The apartment is located at (redacted)

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I didn’t start looking for problems until I read through the entire message.  Let’s examine this: the man currently owns the apartment.   He has provided information that theoretically should be of no interest to me.  But he has provided it for a reason: to establish credibility.  He owns the apartment but travels a lot and is currently out of the country.  The message he’s conveying is that as the potential renter, I can’t meet him to discuss the apartment.  And because he’s the owner and not here, I can’t even get in to see the apartment.  I must therefore rely on what he says and on the pictures he chooses to provide.

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when i come back to canada, i will not be living in the apartment as i am about to buy a new house. The apartment is furnished but if you need it unfurnished, i can order for the furnitures be moved to storage. The rent is inclusive of the below listed utilities.

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Translation: “don’t worry about being kicked out when I come back.  And furnishings aren’t a problem either, if you don’t have any.  If you do, the furniture in the apartment can be removed, at my expense.  No worries for you as the renter at all.”

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• High Speed Internet
• In-Suite Laundry
• Large in-suite storage
• Cable

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Check it out!  With a fully furnished (or unfurnished) apartment that you may never have to leave, you also get internet and cable TV.  Such a deal

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Its a spacious and lovely 2-bedrooms 2bathrooms and 1 storage furnished apartment, Utilities are included and Pets are allowed. Kitchen completely equipped, Kettle – Toaster – Dishwasher – Freezer – Microwave – Oven – Dryer – Heat – Water – Washing Machine and Electric..

   I want you to note that I am a kind and honest man and also I spent a lot on my property that I want to give you for rent, so I will solicit for your absolute maintenance of the apartment and I would want you to treat it as your own, I would like you to keep it tidy all the time I also want you to let me have trust in you as I always stand on my word,the rental fees is $800 per month, i require first and last month rent. I will like you to drive by to the building at your convenient time to view the exterior of the building for you to know where the apartment is located. Find attached, some of the interior pictures of the apartment for you to know what the inside looks like.

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More bragging about the man himself.  You can definitely trust him because he says you can.  He notes, almost as an aside, that he requires first and last month’s rent.  Of course that’s standard for any apartment.  He suggests I drive by the apartment to see what it looks like.  Having provided the address perhaps he has forgotten Google street view.  I looked.  There’s a condo building there.  It’s a real address.  The problem is: is it his?

He has also helpfully provided some pictures, proving (in his mind) his trustworthiness. He knows the renter will want to see the apartment but, alas, he can’t be there to show it.  So sad.  Here are some pics to help with the decision-making.

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   I will be shipping the keys and documents of the apartment to you through DHL express next day delivery as soon as we have concluded. Once you have seen the exterior of the building and wish to continue, email me asap so that i can send you the rental application form.
 i can be reached on (UK phone number redacted).

Regards
(redacted)

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The deal is simple:  after the cheque clears, he’ll be certain to send the keys and rental application form.  No problem. 

Oh wait.  Problem.  Usually the application comes first; a credit check is done and THEN you hand over the keys.  But hey – he’s across the ocean so we’ll just assume the renter is good to go, as long as his cheque clears.  

Note too his use of the English language, with errors all over the place.  You would think that a person who works, as he indicates, “as (a) Research Associate in Molecular Imaging Research/Neurology” he would have had a fairly hefty education and would have known some basics about the language.  Below are the pictures he included:

So let me ask:  would YOU rent from this guy?