Sometimes you’re the fly swatter

Posted: March 7, 2010 in dating, Life, romance
Tags: , ,

I debated whether to write this or not and suddenly realized I had to write it.

You look at her, and you can plainly see that she adores you.  She isn’t needy, and you know she can stand on her own without you, but she’s chosen you, just the same.

Neither of you have done anything wrong.   It’s not like she’s a bad person, or that you are.  It’s just ….you can’t make it work.  You’ve both had a sense that might be the case, despite the fairy-tale beginning to your romance.   Certain logical inconsistencies were there, which you both chose to ignore.  The fact that you are planning to move away, for example.  You both knew this going into the romance, but you pretended that plan was over the horizon, unreachable, and out of sight.

What you can’t see, doesn’t exist.  Right?

Eventually, the winds of change came; those winds that you can’t see but still affect you just the same, and you both had to face up to it.  She was still in denial, I suppose.  She hoped, because she hadn’t met anyone in a long while who “got” her the way you do.   Frankly, you had hoped, too.  You can’t explain it, but for some reason you’re the one with the more realistic outlook.  No way is this going to work  And so you have to tell her.

It’s quite obvious that it was hard for her to hear, even as she nodded in logical agreement.


Yes, sometimes, that’s the way it happens.  You happen to be the desperately gentle fly swatter.

And sometimes, like today, you’re the fly.


The Girl and I are not an item.  We have different much different agendas.  Something I refused to acknowledge.   Go figure.  Hope springs eternal and all of that.

Fortunately, the romance was only in the beginning stages so there was no time for any roots to grow deep.   I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve never met anyone like her before.   She’s not a keeper though, and I’m moving on.

On a scale of one to ten, the suckage quotient, especially given the fact that I’ve been on the giving end of this kind of scenario before, is about a four.

Good thing it’s sunny out, and warm.  Time to go for a walk.

Cheers, kids!

  1. Jill says:

    Wow, Doug, saw your tweet, followed and found this. ‘I’m sorry’ seems like it would fit but I’m not sure you’re sorry with how it ended. As always, you know what’s best for you.


    • “I’m sorry” certainly fits, and thank you, Jill. :)

      Frankly, I’d rather it ended than go on hoping for something that can’t happen. That’s the road to a little bit of madness.


  2. Susan says:

    Well, I’m sorry but I’m grateful that you realized in enough time to not have invested too much emotion. I hope that things work out for the best for you, my friend.


    • Thanks Susan! As much as this stinks, yes – it would have been much worse had we gone on for too long. I’m listening to Steven Stills’ Treetop Flyer right now – a pretty cool escape. Between that and and a trip to see “Alice in Wonderland” it’s all good. Kind of. :)


  3. Carrie says:



  4. Abe says:


    But you had some nice times and learned some more about life and it’s possibilities…

    Sorry, Doug.


    • Thanks Abe. You know what? It’s better to have gone through this – than it would have been had we never met. The safe bet’s not for me. I know that about myself anyway.


  5. Jessica says:

    As always, I applaud your honesty with yourself and the people around you. Here comes a completely inappropriate (for these circumstances) compliment: you totally rock.


    • Hey Jessica – thank you! For the record: hearing something like that is *never* inappropriate, as far as I’m concerned. I mean, I do rock. I know this. *grinning*

      Seriously: thank you. (Takes one to know one)


  6. Just Me says:

    It’s impressive to see someone who not only knows that it’s best to stop before it goes too far, if it can’t work, but can actually act on that. Of course it must be a difficult thing to do, especially since it seemed to be going so well. I didn’t see it ending like this after the random door knocking had you finding her apartment on the first try. Sorry to hear it won’t work out for you.


  7. Loree says:

    Boy. If I ever found the adore of me only earned a four on the suckage scale as I exited stage left, think I’d be applauding my decision. But then I’m greedy. I want it to be a level ten suck, dammit! :))


    • She would have warranted a ten – if I hadn’t been so conscious of the karmic aspect of it all, and knew I’d ruffled a few feminine feathers along the way. Payback’s a bitch. :)


  8. Katrina says:

    Well that just sucks.


  9. Randy says:

    Well, you know my thoughts on this subject **putting up a big picture and making a sign** ;)

    However, I do respect your decision and you must have real reasons for making it. You know what’s best for you.

    Still, this turn of events does suck …


    • Thanks Randy. I just re-read the blog and just realized: it looks as though it ended because I wanted it to. It didn’t. It ended because she saw the writing on the wall before I did. And yes, it does suck, big time.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s