Here it is, 4:36 a.m. and I can’t sleep. What better time to try and write a blog, huh? (Yes, I know the clock in the picture says 1:22. I can live with it, and frankly, it was the only clock picture I could find.)
It’s that time of the morning when nothing is on TV and you can’t decide whether you’re disgruntled, or want to thank God, because you know if a good movie was on, you’d plunk yourself right down and watch it. And then when it was done, you’d realize that DAMN – you’re really sleepy now. Only…it’s time to get up.
I love sleeping. I truly appreciate waking up and realizing that, despite how tired I feel, I’ve actually spent eight hours looking at my eyelids.
I think when you’re younger, you can plop down and sleep just about anywhere. Doesn’t matter if it’s a cot, or the floor or the back seat of a car.
Later on though — *everything* freaking you keeps you awake. So you shop carefully for a bed. But not just any bed — it’s gotta be the best one. Maybe it has to have numbers for sleep settings. Maybe it has to be adjustable. With a remote control.
And then there’s the pillow to think about. Hypoallergenic? Don’t know if that matters. Should you visit a chiropractor and get his or her advice? You know they sell pillows at their offices too, right? And what about feathers? Down? What’s going to work? And how much do you spend? Is any price too high for a good night’s sleep?
And you watch the news and your radar goes into overdrive the minute you hear the hated phrase “bed bug”. Apparently New York City and Chicago and Detroit are the worst places for bed bugs right about now. As is the south end of Toronto, below Bloor St. So you make up your mind you’re NOT going to visit or live in any of these places. (Detroit? No biggy — there were never any plans to go there anyway. But New York?? Damn that’s disappointing). And so you educate yourself as well on what to look for when you’re scouting out a new place to live. And you take away some advice as well about what to do when checking into a hotel. You learn that you should unpack *nothing* until you’ve checked out the bed, lifted the sheets up.
And with all of this on your mind, you’re supposed to get back to sleep? Ha!
But you try anyway.
You lie down. Get yourself nice and comfy, with the pillow just *so* beneath your neck and head.
And then you try a trick: you pretend like there’s someone in the room that you don’t want to talk to. You know they want to talk, but you want them to think you’re asleep. So you breathe heavily, as if you’re asleep already. Nine times out of ten, this pretend sleep results in real sleep. It’s the tenth time out of ten — today in fact — when it doesn’t work.
So you try another trick. You imagine you’re getting on a steep escalator going down, down, down with no end in sight. Sometimes this works too.
But not today.
Today, you just lie there. And your mind starts talking to you.
“What about that project at work. Do you think Jill will be in today? What will you say to her to get her to agree on your point of view regarding Windows 7?”
“So what about that girl you like? Are you going to call her today? Maybe you should call her. Maybe you shouldn’t wait another day.”
“Look it’s 4:49 in the friggin morning! Even if I decide to call her, I’m not going to friggin call her now! Now SHADDUP”
“Hey, I’m hungry. Want to eat?”
So then, despite all advice you’ve been given, about looking at anything too bright when you’re trying to sleep, you get up, turn the computer on, and start surfing the net.
And then you remember that you bought a cool new Mac application to let you blog without having to go to the web. So you hunt around for it (because you’ve forgotten the name of it) and then you find it: MarsEdit. And you fire it up.
And then you write a blog. Like this one.
If you have any home remedies for curing insomnia, I’m all ears. Eyes.