Evolving Language Vis-A-Vis Hookers With Heart Problems

Posted: June 14, 2013 in humor, humour, writing
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

A friend of mine just posted this cartoon on her Facebook wall:


So I responded that we should not forget the other replacements for “said”.  Like “go”, for example.  I illustrated my point with the following:


Jim goes “so I buried the dead hooker, like you asked”.

And Pete’s like “hold up. Not near the petunias!  Dude, I *just* planted those things.”

And Jim’s all “nah, bro. She’s, like, interred and stuff, in your neighbour’s yard.”

And Pete goes “righteous!”


A walk in the mall or a ride on the subway allows you to hear many conversations like the above (minus the dead hooker of course).  Proving, I think, that today’s vernacular has taken a kind of colourful turn.  Would you agree? I’m not at all convinced it’s a bad thing.  My belief is that a word or the usage of a word becomes evident and valid when one person says it, and his listener understands it.   Webster would likely grunt and do his best to turn over in his grave at that notion; however, he would hardly be in a position to object openly.  Therefore my point remains unchallenged.

Contrast the above conversation to this:


James encountered Peter on his morning tour of the neighbourhood. After exchanging the usual pleasantries, James raised an unpleasant topic. “Peter” he said “I have taken care of that matter we discussed yesterday.”

Peter furrowed his brows in confusion. “I’m at a loss as to the meaning of what you just referenced. What matter?”

James replied “oh you know – I have dealt with the recently deceased ‘working girl’ who suffered the misfortune of having a heart attack while in your employ.”

Peter sighed. “In what manner did you – ahem – take care of her?”

James smiled. “Well, I simply dug a shallow hole and planted her in it.”

Peter gasped in surprise. “Oh dear Lord. You didn’t bury her near the petunias did you?”

Scratching his head, James replied “are you truly concerned about your flowers, and not the recently deceased? I am frankly surprised at your glaring coldness, my friend. Are you perhaps an untested psychopath? Do you feel the need to study others’ emotions, so as to mimic them as best you can?”

Peter laughed. “By no means. It’s just that those petunias were chosen by my wife. If they died before their time, I envision my poor wife attempting to dig them up, only to encounter some part of a dead woman’s hand or leg at their roots.”

James sighed with relief. “Worry no more, my good man. I have interred her remains in the garden of your neighbour.”

Peter smiled. “Indeed you are a prince among friends.”


Given the subject  – a deceased prostitute – I would find the above conversation as colourful and as entertaining as the first, albeit for a different reason.

I think this is one of the reasons I love the English language so much.  There are so many different ways to arrive at the same meaning, each method providing a nuance and shade of meaning that differs from the other.

Peer review time:  what are your thoughts on the above?  Are you disgusted by the slaughtering of the English verbal language or are you amused by it, as I am?  Be honest: has some of it crept into your lexicon?

  1. Temy Beal says:

    Completely disgusted by people too ignorant to learn their own supposed first language. Makes them sound dumb as rocks.


    • wolfshades says:

      I’ll admit: when I see poor writing, produced by supposed professionals such as magazine or newspaper columnists, it drives me to distraction and they lose all credibility. Same thing goes for short term words (“u” instead of “you”, or “ur” instead of “your”).

      Maybe it’s like art: before a painter can start to play with his work, he must first learn the ability to paint his subjects as close to real life as possible, and learn all of the rules for shading, perception, etc. Maybe the same applies to those who want to play with words: allowable only after one has learned the rules of the language.

      That said, I still enjoy some of the more colourful expressions of language out there. They come in handy too when working on a comedy improv sketch.


  2. Jack says:

    I love both actually! They are different “languages” and can be appreciated as such. It’s not useful to live in a language enclave because it prevents us from appreciating the nuances of an ever evolving language. You could even have pushed the envelope back even further but whether thou knowest that tongue I know not.


    • wolfshades says:

      Good point!

      Your example reminds me: if you haven’t yet seen the movie “Much Ado About Nothing” which recently opened, you would probably love it. I know I did. They used Shakespearean language, idioms and manner of speaking throughout, but the actors performed so well as to make it accessible. I have such a good time when filmmakers make their audience work a little bit to understand what’s going on – which is what this offering did.


  3. I also enjoy the ever changing language. I giggled a bit at Jack because it immediately brought to mind the flap about different versions of the Bible and the lack of flexibility in the KJV only crowd. I am of the opinion that whatever vernacular is sufficient to expresses intended thought is just fine with me.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s