Howdy everyone.

There have been a few updates in my situation. Feels like I could write a book, perhaps.

Prostate got a little too large for about a year or so and I was having problems peeing. Got that taken care of about a month ago through a procedure called Rezūm. It’s one of the “least invasive” procedures out there, as it’s an outpatient thing done at the doctor’s office. They give you an epidural and then they put this instrument into your urethra and then they shoot steam at the offending bits of prostate tissue. This kills the cells. But then you have to wait for a month for the swelling to go down and for the now-dead tissue to disappear.

The procedure itself was a breeze. Of course my old nemesis – panic attacks – made their appearance a few weeks before the procedure. I mentioned this to the anesthetist prior to the procedure, so she provided an intravenous sedative which totally made my day.

“Least invasive” is in quotes because the phrase sounds like the whole thing is a breeze. It’s not. You have to have a catheter inserted right afterwards. They say it’s usually in for only a week. I had mine in for three. They took it out after the first week but I simply could not pee without it so they put a new one in. Plus I’ve been to emergency a couple of times because of catheter-related issues. All told, I’ve had four catheters inserted. To make a long story short: the procedure is cool, but the recovery is just awful.

Except: now it’s about six weeks since I had it done and only now am I actually seeing good results, pee-wise. Another six weeks and I should be pissing like a race horse. (Surprising how often I’ve heard that phrase since getting my diagnosis; from medical people as well as other people I’ve known who’ve had the same condition.) I’m told most men will go through this: funny how we never talk about it amongst each other until we do.

In other news: I’ve pretty much given up on news.

I used to be a news and politics junkie. Used to love mixing it up with my conservative friends in various politics conferences and groups.

Now I find I just can’t. I’ve stopped participating in those political groups and now, even when I see a provocative headline or (worse) when I see a comment just begging for correction.

The impulse is still there though. Quite often I’ll pen the most brilliant retort to a comment, look it over with admiration, then delete it.

A mystic I follow puts it like this: we are made up of our memories. Some are conscious, most are unconscious. People do things for reasons relating to memory. The lucky among us know exactly which memories affect us and how and are therefore in more control of outcomes. But most of us are not at all lucky, and so for us there’s therapy, to help us understand why we think/act the way we do.

Therefore there are countless reasons for behaviours. The fact that I know zero about your life, your history and the things you struggle with means I have zero to say. Logic dictates that I need to shut my mouth before making any kind of judgements.

So, while I may disagree with the logic that someone has presented, I don’t actually know for sure why they said it so it’s better to converse with them so I can understand. Absent that, I need to STFU.

Hence the title of this post and the reason I don’t say much about current affairs now with anyone.

Like most of you reading this, I’m aware of the Great Divide in the western world. It consists of so many factions and tribes: the vaxxers, the anti-vaxxers, the conservatives, the liberals, etcetera. I’ll never bring resolution to any of the divisive conflicts, as I have no control over any of it.

I am able to do my own small part though. So that old delete key of mine will keep suffering a workout until reaching the point where the temptation to say anything at all just goes away.

Anyway, I’d rather not talk about any of the stuff none of us can individually resolve. There are lighter, more positive things to discuss.

Like my new MacBook Pro. And the fact that now that I have a computer I can carry around with me (other than the phone of course) means I’ll be able to write more. That’s the intent anyway.

Hey listen: if you feel like commenting and if you feel the need to somehow make what you say relate to this blog – don’t. I mean you can if you like but honestly – I’d rather hear about what’s happening with you these days. What’s new in your life? How are you doing?

  1. I don’t know exactly how to start my reply with your highlighted note at the bottom. But, let me at least say this (and of course, please delete if necessary) — thank you for writing this post about your issues with your prostate. I think too many men do NOT have this conversation and should be more open about it. I say this because, as a woman, when I had Fibroids, I thought it was some odd situation that no one would understand. And then, I spoke to a few friends and walla, more women than not have issues regarding Fibroids! Isn’t it incredible the things we don’t talk about verses the things we do? Thank you for that.

    I’m doing well, thank you for asking. I haven’t updated my blog in about a month because I’m writing my second book and working on that — when I can. I say that because I’ve also been in recovery of my hip surgery which is going brilliantly — but still, it’s been a stresser for sure – along with everything else on the planet.

    Politics – I think we’re both feeling the same way. And, yeah, I’m a little exhausted by all of it, Covid too – but mostly disappointed in my country (The United States). We have so much work to do, as a people, on at least 5 different subjects, that I’m at a loss and just tired. I take breaks as often as possible and jump back in when I can.

    Sending you a hug Wolfie. Take good sweet care — and thanks again for this very informative and interesting post. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • wolfshades says:

      Hey Carmen!! First off – thanks for the hug! And right back at ya. : )

      Medical issues bite the big one don’t they? Glad to hear you’re faring well after your surgery. Let me know when you’re fully recovered and (COVID-willing) I’ll come down there and we’ll have a footrace.

      I feel generally hopeful for the future, only because I know the present is not sustainable. Plus, there’s so little any of us can do – and I don’t believe we’re being presented with the true picture of how things are generally anyway. For example, so many of the angry headlines feature a minority of our populations. The squeakiest wheel can’t be a barometer of the psyche of a nation. I no longer trust the media – FOX or CNN or any of them.

      The real “silent majority” are largely kind, and generous, want desperately to be able to get along and live peacefully with each other. I don’t know too many people who are happy with the divisions we’re seeing displayed across our news screens every day. I think most want the same things you and I do. Therefore: hope. : ) But what do you think: does any of that make sense? (I’ve been told my middle name is Pollyanna)

      I only heard about fibroids when I was well into my 40’s. And even then only because I was sitting at a table full of women – including my sister who brought me there – and they decided to talk about that, and makeup and a whole lot of other fascinating things. The other medical issue that only recently has come to the fore is fibromyalgia. Up until recently I had no idea so many women suffered from it. And your comment about women not talking about this stuff blows me away. Why is that, do you think? Is it embarrassment (as it seems to be for men) or something else?

      BTW, thanks so much for taking me up on that last paragraph.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well, I don’t know if I don’t trust the media. I wouldn’t blanket an entire network as much as I would individual broadcasters. Oops. No. I misspoke. Sorry. FoxNews, the entire network needs to be ended, deleted, whatever the right terminology is — especially since Shepard Smith and now Chris Wallace are gone. What a corrupt organization that is! 100%.

        I fear our complete hatred or avoidance of the media. That’s the first step into… well, you know. I try to listen to (or read) only those journalists who have back-up. Who have receipts when they speak. And I think blanketing an entire network (except for FOX) is a bad idea. Are there issues? Sure. But there always have been in journalism. But let’s not lose the forest for the trees. At the end of the day, we need good journalists. But WE THE PEOPLE need to know and understand what is REAL and what is NOT. WE can do this actually. Giving in or giving up is NOT an option.

        I don’t know if I agree on the silent majority thing. I need to think on that a bit, but I see what you mean. The fact is, we are in scary times — and just because we’re tired of it or exhausted by it — doesn’t mean there’s some self-correcting mechanism that’s going to take care of it. So, I say this with love and respect, rest up my friend. You are allowed. But, be ready, this ain’t over yet. *sad face*

        I think we don’t talk about medical issues because there is a shame in it. Women, especially, have always been called “crazy” for getting their period (menstruation) and things always being “in their heads” if they complained about anything. Men ruled the medical world for so long, that there is also a delay in what has been studied in regards to specific medical conditions for women verses men. I’m glad that is changing, but that’s also a part of it.

        There has also been a stigma about being manly enough – complaining is never an option for a lot of men. Somehow weakness is associated with being ill. Men avoid sharing it in fear of seeming less… manly. I think as we get more comfortable in society about mental health a lot of these things will be different. I hope so, anyways.

        I hope to be back to my normal walking self by March. I’m walking pretty well now but still dealing with a little bit of a limp and yet, no pain. But yes, in 2022 it would be GREAT to hang out and grab a bite! That would be FANTASTIC! I look forward to it.

        Liked by 2 people

        • wolfshades says:

          I guess my mistrust in the media stems from their ownership and from the fact that so many articles from Fox, CNN and the rest of them are just chock-full of enraging clickbait with a common message: “The other side are complete monsters/morons and here’s why”.

          It’s been a long time since we’ve had news sources that simply report the news without comment or opinion. Seems to be mostly just opinion lately. Those CNN and Fox panel shows where a bunch of people all nod their heads while each other is speaking just speaks volumes.

          Too many ex-journalists talk about how they had to leave their companies because of anti-journalistic practices. Like not fact-checking something before publishing/going to air. Who makes them accountable? Not the average reader/viewer.

          That said there are some outfits around that are journalistic, or at least try to be. Reuters for one. So hopefully I’m not throwing the baby out with the bathwater on this one. : )

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Darlene Cirinna says:

    One month ago today, my husband had same procedure that you had. So, I have a good idea what you have been through. I’m happy to hear that you are getting better.

    So, you want to know how I am doing? This will probably surprise you, but here it is… June 28, 2021 I was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. I had a tumor the size of my fist in my lung, compromised immune system and bone cancer in hip socket and tailbone. My initial reaction to the news was interesting. I gave a lot of stuff away and I threw stuff away too. I gathered documents that I knew my husband would need when I die. I also cancelled all my subscriptions. I’m surprised at myself that I accepted possibility of death so easily. I was even a little excited to believe that I would get to see my Dad soon. He died in 2004 and I died a little bit with him. Even though I had little hope, I went ahead with chemo, radiation, etc. I had a really rough time all summer with procedures, hospitalization for walking pneumonia in August, x-rays, MRI’S, CT’s, PET scans and many, many blood draws. Through it all, I became so anemic that I had to have a blood transfusion in October.

    At the beginning I had decided that I wouldn’t be that person who talked about my illness, treatments or anything about the cancer on social media. Only a small group of family and friends knew. I was determined that I was going to maintain a good attitude and I did. Also, I kept my faith. I never let myself get angry at God, depressed or feeling hopeless. I simply decided that whatever God had for me, I would accept.

    Then in late September, I had a CT with surprising results. My tumor was mostly gone, lymph nodes had returned to a normal size and the bone cancer was possibly gone. My doctor ordered a PET scan for mid-November. The results were a miracle! My cancer is gone! All of it! I am now on maintenance and working on building my blood back to normal. I really feel like God gave me a miracle healing and I am humbled by it. Of course, I know that it can come back, but if it does, again I will accept God’s Will for me, keep a good attitude and, most importantly of all, keep my faith.

    As I said, I kept all of this off of social media, but after being given a miracle, I believe that I need to share. This is the first mention of my illness here in this comment. It is time to share on Facebook as well.

    I hope you achieve full healing sooner than later. It sure was nice to open my email tonight and see that you had posted a blog. Of course, I rushed right over to read it and chat a bit with you. Take care and know that people care about you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • wolfshades says:

      Hi Darlane! How’s your husband doing now? Is he feeling better at all?

      So startled to hear about your cancer diagnosis and *so pleased* to hear you appear to have beaten it! That’s such great news!! And thank you for sharing your news here. So happy for you Darlene.

      On the topic of death and dying: your attitude toward it seems so healthy. My sense about it has changed over the past few years as well. I can honestly say I don’t feel afraid of it anymore. I’m going to live my life for as long as I’m here but…I’m definitely not sweating about the end.

      Best of luck and progress to you and your husband!


  3. contoveros says:

    My enlarged prostate wanted to delete all references to the procedure you described in this blog post. That’s ’cause I am chicken. I don’t want to go through the procedure where they stick a long needle-like thingamajig up my you know what.

    Other than that, I too have backed off a lot of news nowadays. I watch movies and Netflix shows and walk at least 10,000 steps a day. I have a watch that keeps track of the steps and also tells me the time, weather conditions, and when I get a phone call or a text message.

    Good to hear you are still alive and kicking in the great northern territories. I look forward to reading the post where you announce you have submitted your book for printing and it becomes available on Amazon.


    • wolfshades says:

      There’s no bigger chicken than me, trust me. : ) I had serious panic attacks just contemplating all of this before it happened. Unrelenting fear at the thought of anyone going near my you know what. I had that fear right up until the procedure. My urologist assured me the anesthetist would take care of it, and he was right. She pumped me up with so much sedative that I don’t actually recall the procedure. I just recall putting my feet in some stirrups and then it was heaven for a little while. I wasn’t asleep but I also wasn’t all that aware of anything except this cool feeling I was getting from the drug.

      The aftermath was a bit much though. Could have done without the fever and vomiting. (They give you antibiotics and you take the first one before the procedure so it goes away pretty quickly)

      The fear of the procedure for me become less of an issue once the fear of not being able to pee at took over. After that I was knocking on the urologist’s door almost daily till they finally gave me an appointment.

      Anyway, good luck with it all. After the procedure was set up and I was scheduled to go, I started finding videos on youtube that talked about how to keep your prostate from getting enlarged. Or least from enlarging too quickly. Wish I’d seen those before. But…on the other hand, the procedure’s done and every day I’m peeing just a little bit better.

      Netflix’s my go-to for entertainment as well these days. That, and Disney and Amazon Prime. The idea of going back to cable TV is now quite laughable. Imagine paying an arm and a leg just to watch TV *with commercials*.

      Used to do the 10K steps per day thing. Kind of fell away. Your discussion of it prompts me to look into it again. I don’t have any excuses really: there are podcasts out there that I like, and I too have a watch that tells me all about my exercise and goals. It’s an Apple Watch. (I’m guessing yours isn’t). : )

      Great hearing from you again Michael! One of these days we’ll find a way to get together. Hope the COVID stuff becomes truly endemic soon so we can treat it like a seasonal flu instead of the thing it is right now.

      Liked by 1 person

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