View from a Wolf

Funny thing about being sick: you tend to think about a lot of stuff, mostly because you’re too miserable to watch TV or run about taking care of business and being busy.

So here’s what’s going on in my brain, while I keep busy scrambling for the Kleenex box to catch all the consequences of my stupid illness.  Maybe you can relate to some of it (my only reason for sharing).

So much of what I do involves consumption. Besides the obvious necessary ones  (food, water, sleep) there are optional areas of consumption. Like, for example,  a new TV, a better computer, a night out at the movies, a meal at a nice restaurant.

There’s nothing wrong with any of it. But the common thing these things share is that there is no contribution going on. There’s no creativity. Just consumption.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to decide what it is I want to do. Do I want to write, or act, or create musical pieces on my piano? Do I want to sing? Do I want to dance? These questions have been a source of confusion because they all involve effort, time, and dedication to be good at any of them.

I’m already good at a few of them, but they are all equally compelling, so it’s been hard to figure out which one to focus on. So instead, I’ve let my subconscious try (and fail) at figuring it out, while I continue to do what I do best: consume.

Here’s the thing: I don’t want to focus on consuming anymore.

My TV is old and out of date. It’s not a smart TV, and the resolution is so dated that no one talks about it anymore. But I don’t actually *need* to do anything about it. Same goes for my 6 year old computer.

Both still work, so why spend time researching replacements? It’s wasted energy.

I want to create. And the realization now is that I don’t have to decide on just one: there’s no reason I can’t do them all.

So that’s my late October resolution. To spend more time creating than I do consuming.

I can tell that this epiphany is already informing some of my decisions. When I sit at the computer and see a political post that rubs me the wrong way, I generally go looking for references to bolster my objection, prior to airing it.  Now when that’s happening and I start to open up another browser tab, the thought occurs: “Wait. This is consumption.” And so I stop.

I mean it’s a start but this can’t just be about stopping, it has to be about creating and moving forward with momentum.

Help me out here.

Have you every thought about how much time you’re using up and how you’re using it? Have you found certain consumptions habits that are hard to break?

How have you achieved focus to let that stuff drop away so you can concentrate on the creative stuff that matters?