Posted: April 1, 2010 in ADHD, humor, Life
Tags: , , ,

I woke up this morning, startled.

I could see daylight, and that never happens.   Blearily, I squinted at the clock, which wavered back and forth, like a bad 3D movie.  The damned thing wouldn’t stay still.

“Stand still”

“Um, no.”

I pushed my knuckles into my eyelids, massaging the eyeballs, trying to coax them awake.  I opened my eyes again.

Oh dear lord.  It was worse.

Finally I dragged myself out of my warm – oh so warm, and comfy – bed and staggered over to the clock, which finally relented and maintained a constant pose.

“Oh good.  It’s only 7:00”

Wait.  7:00?  That means I only had………and I tried hard to compute the sleep hours I had tucked into my consciousness.  And failed.   Whatever it was, it wasn’t enough.

Stumbling into the hallway on my way to the bathroom I noticed a smell.  I stopped, sniffing.

Then I realized it was coming from me.   The smell was familiar too.  It was like a long-lost philandering cousin.  It wrapped me in its embrace.  And that’s when I realized what it was.

I was bleeding alcohol through the pores of my skin.


Strangely, I didn’t have a headache, or exhibited any other signs of being hung over from last night.

I remembered last night and I smiled.   Such a great night.  I haven’t had such a full night like that in a long time.  One thing that happened though:  my companion and I closed the bar.  One of us noticed one of the servers sweeping up and suggested we leave.  It seemed like a good idea, so we did.

As I staggered to the sink, and closed my eyes for a few seconds, realization dawned.  There was a good reason as to why I had no hangover.

I wasn’t quite done being drunk.

That truth brought a grin to my face.   There was time to get on top of this thing, and that’s what I did.  I made a beeline for the water cooler and started loading up, in an attempt to stave off dehydration.

Work of course was a complete write-off.  I tried.  My eyes rebelled though.  Bad enough that they were red and watery.  Asking them to look at a computer screen was too much.  I brought a newspaper to work with me too, and was just as successful getting through that.

Finally, after lunch, I put my feet up on my desk, and thought “just a couple of minutes of shut-eye should do it.”  In theory, it’s supposed to work.  I nodded, and jerked awake, only to hear the ongoing sounds of productive work being done by my colleagues.   Figuring it was safe, and no one could see me, I closed my eyes once again.

And woke up startled once again.  This time, there were no sounds around me.  I’m not positive, because I was unconscious at the time, but there’s a 95%  chance I snored out loud.   No one was that uncouth as to ask about the state of my consciousness.  For that, I was grateful.  Had they done so though, I would have laughed.  What are you doing to do?

It’s not as if I regularly close down bars and try to work the next day.  A family member suggested I “work” from home.  In retrospect – that was a damned good idea.

I gave up trying to nap.  It wasn’t working and I was still pretty much dragged out.  Placing my feet back on the floor, I pulled my chair over to the computer, only to hear my cell phone ring.

“Sir?  We have an appointment for you.”

I was stunned.  I’d been waiting for this phone call for four weeks.  It was the doctor’s office, letting me know I have an appointment to be assessed for ADHD/ADD.  I had been calling them once a week, looking for that appointment, and they hadn’t gotten back to me.

Until now.

I was elated!   Finally – a time and date.   She gave me the details and we hung up.

It’s like you have this limp all of your life, which prevents you from full-out running.   You think everyone has this limp; that it’s normal, and that you’re just not trying hard enough to run, because you see other people around you running just fine.   And then someone comes to you one day and says “you realize that there’s a group of people who limp the same way you do, and that they’re born with this limp, and that there are ways to get around it, so that you can run like the rest.”

The elation only lasted for a while though – I still had the lack of sleep and the after-effects of the full-on drunkfest to deal with.  So I returned to earth, a little regretfully, but happy just the same, both with the memory of last night, and this news percolating gently on my brain.

It’s in the beginning of July.  Closer than I thought but still pretty far away.

Still – I can’t wait.

  1. Jill says:

    I only have a quick comment to make regarding drinking too much/sleeping too little: When I overindulge during a night of drunken bliss, I usually find myself waking when the alcohol begins to wear off, I’m still a bit drunk but fully conscious and rather feel like superwoman. Several hours later, however, the hours of drunken idiocy finally catch up and I begin to feel like absolute shite.

    Now, onto ADHD/ADD: I’ve often wondered if Manny suffers from the same affliction and, through extensive research, have come to the conclusion that it could be gluten allergy (directly linked to ADD)… anyway, something, certainly, to ponder.


    • Might be worth Manny getting assessed. Or at least have him go to and try out a few of the online tests. They’re not conclusive and they shouldn’t be taken as a proper diagnosis, but they can give you a good clue.

      I’m with you on the after effects of the night before. Superman for a few hours, and then the Green Slime ever after.


  2. Jill says:

    Uh, thanks, Corona, for making me look like an idiot, allowing me to leave out the ‘a’ between ‘be’ and ‘gluten’. Yup, well done.


    • Although I really do know how you feel; you also know that I don’t sweat that stuff right? I mean, man you should have seen the awesome drunk emails I sent last night. I looked at them today and just about killed myself laughing at the typos.


  3. Jill says:

    Aw, c’mon, I know you know me better (and I, you). If there was such a thing as the ‘grammar police’, you and I would be freakin’ five star generals.

    I noted the website and I’ll have a look. He suffers from crazy digestive issues on top of everything else. I think I wrote in a blog post, years ago, his excessive use of toilet paper. I think it all ties in. :D


    • Jill says:

      LOL! Just saw the ‘Reply’ link at the bottom of each comment… uh, Corona, again?


    • Yes, isn’t it cool that you can actually reply to each comment like Myspace? It’s one of the main reasons I chose this place over other blogging websites like blogspot or Not only that, you can determine how deep you want the commenting to go. I don’t know how many myspace arbitrarily chooses but here you can go up to ten. Anything beyond that would be unreadable anyway.

      I really really love this place.


  4. Nadia Chyme says:

    It’s odd isn’t it? To wake up and not be able to see the clock? (I loved how you described that — exactly what happens to me). But waking up and still being DRUNK? Bad, bad boy little Wolfie! But, we’ve all been there before! Weird feeling. Glad you got your appointment (I’ve learned so much about ADHD through you guys). Looking forward to hear what happens.



    • Well I’m glad *someone* understands about that bouncy won’t-sit-still clock of mine. *grin*

      I’ll be anxious to share the results of that first appointment here. So many of us have to deal with it – which I wasn’t aware of until I stumbled on it myself.


  5. Randy says:

    I am thinking back to my past life, when I had ‘days like that’ at work. :) Fun to think about.

    Congrats on the appointment! You are still plenty young enough to enjoy a full life without a sneaky underhanded disadvantage torpedoing almost everything you try to do. Bon chance!

    And thanks for all the great words, wolfeshades. You do me good :)



  6. wordofabe says:

    An appointment…in July? Wow. I guess that’s what we have to look forward to down here now, huh?
    I can’t remember when last I drank that much. I have to fight to stay awake after a few beers! I think my worst drunk was when I was very young, played quarters with my pals, then drove back to High School drunk on Vodka…only to remember that I didn’t go to that High School anymore. The principle asked me to leave and asked me if I had a car to drive (I was so drunk I could barely stand) and I said “yes” only it was my buddy’s Volkswagen that needed to be push-started. I didn’t have the key and was too drunk to figure out push-hot-wiring, so I fell asleep in a duck pond.
    Later on, I quick drinking Vodka.


    • Well, you know – it’s psychiatry and as far as I know, that kind of wait time is common to both of our countries already. Anything other that’s medical is fairly quick: I can walk across the road and see a physician today if I want.

      VODKA! Oh man. That stuff just sneaks up on you, doesn’t it? Lucky for you that you didn’t have the key. And what was that principal thinking? Wow.


      • wordofabe says:

        Ah, true, true.
        I think the principal was thinking, “whatever gets this dude off of the property is fine with me.”
        Also, it was 1987. Things were different then. It was a beautiful world.


  7. Momma Fargo says:

    Oh, yeah. You totally have it. Didn’t you know that alcohol cures everything? All problems slip under the radar with that treatment…now what? You are going to have to start all over.


  8. Just Kate says:

    I think I was 19-years-old the last time I got that drunk but it’s a memory that’s stuck with me and has much to do with why I don’t like red wine. ;)


    • Red wine? Oh man – no way would I go near that stuff. Triggers a migraine almost every time. White wine is it for me – actually Chardonnay, specifically. Wolf Blass is my favourite (and not just because it has the word “wolf” in it – though it may have influenced my first purchase of it, come to think of it).

      I hope you’re taking notes. If you and your hubby ever come up here or I go there, I wouldn’t want you to get my drink order wrong.



      • Just Kate says:

        Hm… You and hubby would likely drink me under the table. I’m a total light-weight. As for your drink order, I think you secretly like slushy, fruity drinks – the kind that come with a little umbrella sticking out a pineapple.


  9. suzrocks says:

    Well, thank goodness I didn’t have such an appointment last Saturday morning because my appointment was a 12 hour hugging of the toilet! Geesh! I don’t normally drink, but once in a while I pull out all the stops… needless to say, Friday night I was balls to the wall with Jameson in one hand and Miller in the other… I woke up to a spinning room while the ceiling fan was still…lol. I literally spent the day in the bathroom and swore I’d never do that again!!! I even felt bad on Sunday, probably cuz I too woke up too early on the day after and lacked rest… geesh.


    • Oh my God. I hate days like that – and I don’t care what anyone else may say or think (and I’ve heard them all: “you deserved that; that’ll teach you; just keep thinking about all of those medical shows where they do operations”) in fact, you have my sympathy.

      Check out my reply below to Momma Fargo. Wonder if you have any opinions on it.


  10. Momma Fargo says:

    LOL! I had doctor problems today too. However, tip to you. Take B12 and a glass of water before you go to bed when you drink. All better in the morning.


    • Roger that! I’ll take any advice like that.

      You know what though? I’ve noticed a big difference in the Morning After, which seems to be entirely tied to the type of beverage chugged the night before. At one time I thought alcohol was alcohol; it’s all poison and the body will do what it needs to do to expel it. I get mildly sick on beer, and phenomenally barfy on sweet alcoholic drinks, like Brown Cows and liquers. But with wine, it’s just a pleasant come down. No barfing or anything.

      Any thoughts? Or is that just a matter of luck and one of these wine binges will put me on Porcelain Patrol?

      (Not that this type of degenerate behaviour is a habit or anything. It really isn’t)


      • suzrocks says:

        Well, last weekend I drank nothing unusual. I’m really sporadic. I drank rum for many years, until it suddenly starting making me puke so I switched to vodka. After a few years on the vodka train, it too started making me puke so I have switched to whiskey. This was my first whiskey puking experience, however I think it’s a bad sign. I have to agree, though, I’ve gotten drunk on wine plenty without puking… but the headache the next day is even worse than puking for me! No headaches with the wine binges? (Not that this type of degenerate behavior is a habit or anything. It really isn’t!)


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