Posted: April 8, 2010 in Life, romance
Tags: ,

It’s a rare thing, to hit up on a subject and find yourself unworthy to tackle it, whether in conversation or blog.  Rarer still (for me) to write a blog and have already found a title for the blog.  I’m too used to just writing and deciding after the fact what the subject was.   It’s like when you give birth (for those of you who have the reproductive organs necessary to do so, that is) and only after the tiny wrinkled miscreant has made his entrance, do you look at him and say “well he looks like a Joseph.”  Or an Ethan.  While your other partner (the one without the requisite reproductive organs necessary for giving birth) looks at that same parasite and says “well he looks like a bloody prune to me, but whatever”.

(Yes, I said “parasite”.  If it’s good enough for Dr. House, it’s good enough for me.)

The word “resonance” is that wrinkled bloody prune to me.  Well, except I look at it and there’s nothing wrinkled or prunish about it.  There *is* such a thing as taking a metaphor too far, which evidently is certainly the case here, isn’t it?

Resonance is that final *click* of the puzzle piece.  That loud *snap* you hear, sometimes only internally, when someone says something that you just *know* is the key to the entire argument;  it’s the final argument to the jury, the one you know paints the full picture for all to see.  And you see this confirmed by the hanging head of the prosecutor, who finally realizes just how badly he’s been beaten.

Dissonance is what we live with from day-to-day.  We get so used to its presence that eventually it starts to feel normal to us.  It gets lost in the camouflage of our lives that we can only really see it when resonance makes its loud presence on the stage of our life.

Sometimes resonance comes to us when we hear a particular song, when you realize that the combination of notes and lyrics *perfectly* describes your longed-for hopes.  The dreams you’d thought you’d forgotten.

By now of course, I realize that all of this sounds horribly ephemeral.  You can’t easily chew on this topic.

You can’t swallow what you can’t chew.

(My God I’m so deep)

I look at the guy in the mirror, as he’s getting ready for yet another day at the grind, and inwardly, I cringe, thinking that I’m the world’s worst sellout.  If I’m not doing the thing that drives me, what the freaking hell am I doing?

Yes, I’m building a base for the following of my dream.  Logic raises its hand, demanding to be acknowledged.   “Fine, Logic – I get it.  You fresh-faced ass-kisser.”

Date after date seems an exercise in frustration.  She’s too needy.  Or this one’s too into the picket fence scene.  This other one is certain that she’s stupid/ugly/too fat/whatever and having been married to someone with low self-esteem you are loath to play the psychologist anymore.

Once in a while though – you see an old couple in their 80’s.  You watch as they hold hands and finish each other’s sentences. And it hits you.


Such examples serve as proof of the validity of your dreams.  Not just about a mate, but about pretty much everything.  You understand that others have gone before you, fighting the futility of The Machine, against all odds, against The Beasts of their youth, and they’ve achieved what you long for.

That realization resounds deep in your soul.  It drowns out gibbering and clattering masses of deadlines, expectations, monotony.

You’ll be damned if you’ll hold back.    You don’t care what your friends think, or what the daily job demands of you.  It doesn’t fucking matter, in the end.  You’ll pursue that spark.  Maybe in the doing, you’ll find the playful mate you’ve been searching for.    That’s not the goal though.  The goal is one thing, and one thing only.


  1. Momma Fargo says:

    Didn’t anyone tell you…girls are stupide! And what’s wrong with a picket fence? I think you are being too picky. Now the play mate thing…isn’t that a little shallow? Just helping.


    • That’s “playful mate” not playmate. *grin* There’s a subtle difference there. And yes, I admit to being apologetically picky. :)

      Despite the tone of this blog, I’m actually quite a playful person myself, and don’t really have much tolerance for some of the dates I’ve met out there who seem to have little to no sense of playfulness. Life’s too short to take everything so seriously.


  2. This resonated with me. Particularly, the part about the closing argument to a jury. I knew i had made contact with at least two jurors when I began to nod while asking a rhetorical question and saw that two people were nodding with me.

    Best sign I ever got that I had reached someone, and I knew it immediately.

    michael j


    • Having read some of your blogs, I had a suspicion you would grok that reference well. There’s got to be no better feeling than when the jury sides with you and you get to see it. (Or at least, I imagine that to be one of the best feelings anyway). :)


  3. suzrocks says:

    I missed this one… glad I came over to make sure I hadn’t missed anything. I’ve been having PC issues lately… again…
    Anyway, now I see what you meant in your comment to my last blog… and yes, that’s very true… the music did resonate inside me, forever changing me. I am extremely passionate about music, so that is how I translate many things. Resonance… another song, “Overkill” by Men at Work. Have you heard this? If not, . This song actually reminds me of you. It’s very moving, lyrically and musically and the 2 go together as well as an 80 year old couple that still holds hands. So perfect. You can feel his desperation in the lyrics, vocals and even the music itself…. it’s hard to explain. But, this blog made me think of that song… and many of your blogs make me think of it.
    Resonance. I once fell in love at first sight. He was the love of my life. I fell deeply, madly in love from across a KMart store! Laugh, but it is very true… and the love was pure, uncondtional, and ultimately the deepest love (or any emotion) I have ever known even still to this day. I got the boy, after many months of loving him this way without him even giving me a second look (we worked together at KMart) but when I did get him, I had him for nearly 5 years… and the powerful love resonated from that first moment throughout… and even for about 5 years after the fact.
    I long to find that resonance again, just as I long to fall in love with some music I haven’t heard yet the way you saw in my last blog… but in the meantime, it’s just overkill…


    • Wow. I haven’t heard that song in ages! Thanks so much for talking about it here, Susan. I realized right away that it wasn’t in my collection so added it.

      I don’t think I’ve had the kind of deep relationship with someone like the one you had with the KMart guy. I’m guessing most of us are lucky if we experience it even once in a lifetime.

      I have to tell you though, that after so many false starts and clearly wrong relationships, I’m at the same point you are – looking for the resonance. Anything else is just plain unacceptable.


      • suzrocks says:

        Sometimes I have to wonder if it’s a once in a lifetime experience, as it’s been nearly 14 years since that love was lost for me. I’ve spent many years trying to come close, but just a bunch of disappointments. I think this is why music means so much to me, because even if I’ve heard it 1,000 times–some songs, like “Overkill”, still resonate as they did the first time.


        • Interesting. Music has the same effect for me too. As does some smells, believe it or not. Sometimes when walking down the street or hallway, if someone is wearing a particular perfume, that will provoke an entirely resonant memory. It’s rare though.

          I did something today to enhance the music experience. A few days ago I was at a computer store checking out some of the newer iMacs and I noticed there was music playing on one of them. So I went over and found the song “Kandi” by “One Eskimo” on youtube and played it through the speakers that were hooked up to the Mac. The sound was absolutely *awesome*. The notes were crystal clear and the base rumbled away without any distortion at all.

          Learned it was a Bose computer speaker kit. So today I went in and bought it. I have it hooked up now and am listening to The Subways’ “Rock and Roll Queen”. Best $300.00 I ever spent. *grin*


  4. Jessica says:

    Beautifully said. Don’t ever give up, k?


  5. Randy says:

    Hey, it took me until age 27 to find “her”, and 33 years later we’re still together. Although, now, the only reason we stay together is to torment each other. I guess you could call that playful … LOL


    • I’d say that’s a good thing. Some of the strongest marriages I know have that quality about it – the ability to poke each other from time to time. And laughter. Gotta have that.

      Congratulations Randy! :)


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