I’ve got some new readers!
And guess what else?
They’re my work mates!
And you know what that means:
- No more selling heroin in the corporate washroom
- No more talking about sleeping under the desk (hey Costanza: you had a great idea buddy. Pity it didn’t work out. For you or for me.)
- I can’t tell you about all of those times I plugged the corporate servers into “The Clapper”, causing severe mental anguish to the entire organization.
- “Help desk? Can you tell me what happened to all my files?”
- “What files, sir?”
- “The files I was working on”
- “Hang on while I check……………………………..Ok there are no files, sir”
- “I KNOW THAT!”
- “So why are you calling, sir?”
- “I”M CALLING ‘CAUSE I WANT MY FILES BACK”
- “That’s nice”
- “Well what?”
- “Are you going to get them back?”
- “No, I don’t think so, sir.”
- “WHY NOT?”
- “Because it wasn’t me who lost them.”
- “I didn’t delete them sir. I had no reason to. I mean, you know, I like you. So why would I do that?”
- “So that means you must have deleted them.”
- “I–uh—what? You like me?”
- “Good bye sir. And have a nice day”
- And for sure I can’t talk about those times when I went to a whole zoo of cubicle farms, and forwarded everyone’s phone to the next one.
(Really bummed about the heroin thing though. That was a real money-maker)
Maybe it’s time to develop some sort of “wink wink” code. So when I say “it’s a sunny day out” you can interpret it as “way too sunny – and I’m much too hung over to appreciate it. In fact, I’m still a bit drunk.”)
In other news……
Some of you have been asking, so I’ve decided to tell you: saw the doc yesterday and, after a whole series of tests and interviews and after injecting his practice with a whole raft of money, he advised me that yes indeed – I have ADHD.
Not a big surprise. Kind of a relief actually. I’m no hypochondriac, looking for diseases or conditions. But when I first read the list of symptoms I couldn’t help yelling “HEY. THAT’S ME!” (Well I didn’t yell, actually. I mumbled it. Kind of softly. I think. I don’t know for sure, as my noise-cancelling Shure 535 earphones were plugged into my ear-holes. I could have been shouting it out at Ozzy Osborne levels.)
(Maybe that’s why they didn’t invite me to the office picnic this summer)
(Also, I seem to be missing my scissors. In fact, there are no sharp-edged instruments of destruction anywhere near me)
Anyway, the doc told me what I need to start doing. I asked him “do I need to see you anymore?”
He said “no. I don’t think so”.
We shook hands. He sort of crushed mine. I tried to keep calm, knowing the pain would end soon. No tears, not even one. And I didn’t grimace.
I’m pretty sure my ears popped though.
Glad that’s over with. I’ve got stuff to do now. And long-lost plans to resurrect and get going with.
The future is frigging *bright*.
And in still other news……
Did you see the harvest moon last night? Awesome, wasn’t it?